


letters to my valentine

by queenofcheese



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, M/M, Minor Character Death, it's just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofcheese/pseuds/queenofcheese
Summary: Alex writes a letter to someone who's been on his mind recently.





	letters to my valentine

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally the only thing keeping me from relapsing right now so i apologize in advance for any grammar/spelling/continuity errors.
> 
> ps. it's really short because i can't write anything with a real plot apparently

Alexander clicked his pen in frustration. He could easily write a formal essay for his superiors but writing about his feelings was foreign to him. He eyed the wastebasket next to his desk overflowing with previous attempts and empty candy and energy bar wrappers. He groaned, laying his head on his desk in defeat. It shouldn't have been this hard. He once wrote an op-ed piece to his local newspaper on a recent city election in less than a day. This was nothing compared to that. With a sigh, he pulled himself up and remembered the words of his therapist.

_"The letter will help you express your feelings in a more private way. It could prove to be very helpful with your recovery,"_

The words gave him a quick burst of inspiration as he clicked his pen once more to start writing. He murmured each word as he went along, his pen leaving delicate cursive lines across the paper. His hand began to cramp but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. There was so much he needed to write but so little time and space to write it. He felt the familiar spikes of panic arise inside of him and ignored them. His therapist would probably scold him later but right now, he needed to write. 

Alex snapped out of his trace when he looked at his phone to check the time. 1:32 a.m. Normally he would have gone to bed and praise himself for a job well done but there was something inside of him that just wouldn't let him stop. So he didn't.

He only stopped when his hand hurt so badly, it could barely hold the pen up. He smiled down at his work. Two and a half pages about how he truly felt. It was relaxing, knowing that everything that was clogged inside his mind and soul was out onto the pieces of paper in front of him. All he had to do was read it. 

* * *

 

It was raining. John loved the rain. He loved the way it would feel on his skin or the sounds it made when each little drop landed on his window. It was perfect. Alex had gone to their spot - a small piece of land covered in flowers under a large, oak tree. John had always gone there whenever they had an argument or just needed to get away from life. He opened the envelope containing the letter and read it.

 

> "Dear John, I hope you get this. I spent a long time writing this. I wonder if it was worth it. I miss you. I miss you a lot acutally. I miss the way you'd smile first thing in the morning like you just won the lottery. And your laugh. _God_ , your laugh. It's like if laughter was medicene, yours could cure cancer. If that makes any sense."

Alex felt himself tear up and stutter over his words. He closed the envelope and wiped his eyes. "I think it'll be better if you read it for yourself." He placed the envelope under the tree and smiled at the small carving in it. 

 _Here Lies John Laurens._  
_October 28, 1992  -  April 14, 2018_

**Author's Note:**

> this sucked i'm sorry  
> comments/kudos are appreciated though thanks


End file.
